broken ankles, roller derby, and The Fear

The Fear. It’s not something you come across in roller derby until you break your ankle (or other body part). Then when you explain to people that when you watch a bout all you see is ANKLES EVERYWHERE they think you’ve gone bonkers. But The Fear is a real thing, and any broken – or fixed up – skater has felt it. I went to Oldham yesterday to watch five of our girls in the Northern Sur5al tournament.

broken ankles roller derby

Basically I spent the first few jams with my hands over my eyes going EEEEEEK every time someone fell. I wasn’t even sure I *liked* derby any more, let alone loved it. Why on earth would I want to be involved in a sport where mad people hurtle around knocking each over whilst wearing skates?

And then it started to happen. My teamies Badderbing (still in crutches but a couple of months ahead of me) and Aoife Epic (recovered from a really bad sprain last year and came back) both talked me down, reminding me that it was totally normal to see ankles everywhere. And then one of the skaters did an amazing apex jump and then our Tinkerhell was lead jammer and slicing through the pack like they were invisible and I was imagining myself on the track. And then I was talking with my matching smiley toe owner, Rachel, about how I really hoped my underpush would come back stronger because my dominant right leg being broken might give me a chance to work on my left and I was swooning over some gorgeous laterals and whoosh – back in love with derby. And The Fear was gone. I’m sure it’ll come and go over the next few months, but I think yesterday was a big step forward.

In the interval I met up with some of the girls from the Facebook group for broken derby skaters and it was SO lovely to have a hug and a chat (and to have loads of people from all over the room laughing at us for being the worst advert for derby ever). At 3am when we can’t sleep it’s so good to have somewhere to let off steam… and our grumbles almost always end up with us all laughing about something.

crutchlings gathering

I was warned by fellow limpy girl Dawn of the Dreads (pink crutches above!) that I’d be exhausted today after a long day watching the tournament and I am. Instead of staying home and resting though I got a bit over excited at having my new hired wheelchair and we went to the Southport food festival (yum) but now, having stubbornly insisted on wheeling myself around the park and then crutching around all over the festival field I’m now so sleepy I’m half-expecting to wake up with my face on the laptop keyboard.

Oh… and the results? We came a very close second to Rainy City, with only 3 points in it. Go Liverpool Roller Birds!

yes, I did break my ankle on roller skates.

Yes I did. My own skates, yes. Yes, I was wearing full safety kit. No, I wasn’t skating outside. Not with my children, no. Not in a race, no. Roller derby. Yep, it’s a full contact sport like – no, there’s no ball. Not blades, no. Just girls, yes. Yep, even forty year olds. No, I wasn’t actually in a bout, I was just turning round…

(I’m going to get a t-shirt printed for hospital visits)

So basically for those of you who asked, here’s a handy diagram. The line-bits on the bone are the bits that are broken and shouldn’t be. The talar shift (which in my pain addled state I thought was Taylor Swift) which is the dislocated bit is basically the upside down U shape. There should be an equal amount of space all around it, instead of that sort of fuzzy bit on the left of the upside-down U. After two manipulations – they call it reducing, instead of relocating which seems a bit weird to me but then I’ve had so many painkillers in the last week that everything seems a bit weird – it was still out of line.

broken ankle roller derby

So the consultant took a look at my x-ray and said hmm, and then consulted with another doctor and they decided to try and put it back in place again because the ankle is still too swollen to operate. So they cut the cast off (bit sore, very scary) and said right, if it falls apart we know we have to operate (eep).

broken ankle roller derby

It didn’t fall apart. It did, however, look pretty sorry for itself and I felt really vulnerable and a bit frightened with it sitting there all bare and bruised.

With visions of my whole foot falling off and a foot technician promising me gas and air if I could just relax (you try relaxing when your foot’s all broken and someone’s just told you it might fall apart) I lay on the bed. And then the lovely gas and air made everything sparkly and it actually didn’t hurt as much as I’d expected. Except there was a point where I inhaled the gas and air and felt her pushing sideways on the ankle as she wrapped the cast round and I heard the local Liverpool radio station. The flashback to last week was really vivid and I remembered just how frightened I was in the hospital when I first got there.

So then they x-rayed it again and pronounced themselves really pleased with it. I’ve to go back in a week, when they’ll have another look to see how it’s doing, and hopefully I’ll be able to avoid surgery which the consultant said would be a good thing.

So it’s another week of resting with my foot elevated for me, and right now it’s time for a cup of tea and a little snooze. It’s been a long day. D’you like my posh new cast? Black’s very in this summer…

broken ankle roller derby cast pic