gin and fishnets and ALL OF THE DRUGS

In the interests of making this a fully rounded roller derby blog, I’m currently undertaking some research into dislocated and broken ankles. This research has so far been conducted from the floor of our training hall (not that comfortable), from an ambulance (well, hello morphine, it’s lovely to meet you) and from a hospital bed.

What nobody mentions about derby injuries is that you’re more than likely going to end up on the orthopaedic ward of the hospital alongside lots of elderly ladies with broken hips. Turns out elderly ladies don’t much like having broken hips, and will spend many hours each day trying to escape from bed, shouting crossly at the nurses that they’ve had enough of this and want to go home, and in one case screaming blue murder and throwing custard as a protest. And we have the reputation as derby girls? I sat peacefully in bed drinking cups of tea and taking all the good drugs.

So what happened? Well, we were in training. I wasn’t even skating, I was chatting to a friend and turned around to talk to the coach and my legs just sort of tangled up and floomp I was falling and I never, ever want to hear that crack again. I knew straight away that it was broken. Everyone was amazing. My lovely Irn Bru’ises came to hospital in the ambulance with my derby wife Cali Floor’Ya following by car. They kept my spirits up (a lot easier to keep your spirits up when you’re on major pain relief) and held my hand whilst I waited to be examined. Then they held me down whilst the doctor put my ankle back in place (I’d take childbirth over a broken ankle any day, and one of my four was over 9lb and born at home).

Next day I was back to the fracture clinic where the consultant told me I’d made a pretty good job of breaking my ankle – two breaks and a dislocation. And they can’t operate yet because they have to wait for the swelling to go down, so I’m home now and on bed rest with my foot raised until the end of the week.

I was going to write more but codeine has made my brain go all fizzly. So I’ll keep you posted. Ow.

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